Obligatory Disclaimer: I’m just some douche. This isn’t medical advice. I’m not a doctor or in any way qualified to be preaching about health. If you do this; you’re an idiot. Everything below – I did. I lost 40 pounds without any change in my sedentary lifestyle – true story, bro. What’ll happen if I start exercising?
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Supplies:
To Eat:
- Fresh Sweet Red Peppers
- Fresh Celery
- Fresh Kale
- Fresh Baby Carrots
- Fresh Cucumber
- Frozen Spinach
- Frozen Fruit (Significant percentage of which was sliced strawberries)
- Pineapple Juice
- Kellogs Special K Breakfast Shakes
To Drink:
- Tons of water
- Tons of water mixed with straight-up lemon juice
- Straight-up lemon juice
- Coffee + Coconut Oil + Almond Milk + Mini-Blender (Get a knock-off Magic Bullet)
Substances:
- Nicotine
- Caffiene
- Dihydrogen Monoxide
Rules:
- No booze
- Nothing Honey Boo Boo would eat
- Glass of water before each meal
- Five hours sleep per night (make it a good sleep)
- Catch up on ABC’s LOST while you’re at it
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MENU
Breakfast
- Glass of water
- Nicotine
- Coffee (specifics contained above)
- In a blender: randomly mix fresh vegetables and frozen fruit; then top off with pineapple juice
- Occasional breakfast shake – you know… because vitamins and shit
Lunch
- Glass of water
- Coffee or breakfast shake or veggie smoothie
- Nicotine
Supper
- Glass of water
- Veggie shake
- Nicotine
- OPTIONAL – salad or chicken
Nukes of Knowledge 